Scott's wanderings

It'ds been an exggausting and sometimes crazy morning.  Of course some time it is this damn time change. Why is it sprnging forward and falling back?  Who asked it to at such a confucing time.  I have been miserable much of the day, not happy to still be alive, trying to figure an attitudet for this "mode" of living.  Am I passing time, living to die or liiving to make simethubg if tune agaub,  Cae has been a  delight;  
we did some birthday stuff with him and he is so happy to be the bday guyl  They got me into the wheel chair and we almost all got banged up and broken in the painfull, sometimes bloody effortl  It seemed the thing to dol  I will never do it againl  A meaningless, exghausting accomplishment followed by what will no doubt become a tradtion of the birthday grandpa toss. Now I will rest in the bed and see if I can make some sense out of all this crazy stuff i have been enganging in with my crazy, beautiful familyl  Maybe toorrow or even tonight there will be some happinessl Hold me and kiss me strong people, and we will scratch each other[s backs and find out how to cry behind our sleeves becaue it is all really nothingl  Ohl  for some control.